


The Choices We Make (And The Hearts We Break)

by chasethewind



Series: Chase's 12 Days of Christmas 2016 [5]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartache, Heartbreak, Hopeful Ending, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Season/Series 05, Speculation, Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 13:50:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8893111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasethewind/pseuds/chasethewind
Summary: Anonymous: “You disappeared without a trace three months ago, why the hell are you at my doorstep at 3 AM and where have you- Oh my God your arm is bleeding, that looks really bad, quick come inside my house.”





	

The soft knock at the door would have been missed by anyone else, but Oliver heard it loud and clear. Sleep eluded him, forcing him to lie awake every night in perpetual exhaustion. It had been three months since everything fell to pieces; three months since he last saw her. The excruciating pain of watching her leave that night, watching her turn around with a sad smile on her lips before she rode the elevator up and disappeared into thin air haunted him. He used all of his resources to try and find her, but when Felicity didn't want to be found, she sure as hell did a good job covering her tracks.

Glancing at the clock on the bedside table, the red lights flashed 3:03am. Part of him didn't want to get out of bed and see who it could be. Most likely it was Susan, trying to convince him a nightcap would solve his sleep issues, but damn that woman. He didn't love her. He barely even liked her. She was just another pretty face to keep the press and the public at bay while he searched for the real love of his life.

The knocking became incessant, louder as it went on, turning more frantic as the seconds ticked by. Oliver couldn't ignore it anymore. With a sigh, he got out of bed and headed for the front door of the apartment he rented near City Hall. Only a select few people knew he lived there, his security staff being none of them.

It was smaller than all the other places he'd live in, just a bedroom, a bathroom, a tiny kitchen and an even tinier living/dining room area. Sparsely decorated with just a bed, a couch, coffee table, and a television, he quickly made it to the door.

A single glance out of the peephole had his heart racing as he unlocked the deadbolt and pulled the door open. "Felicity…" he whispered, his eyes wide in shock.

Standing outside in the hallway was the woman he'd been searching for all this time, her hair jet black like it was in the photo she burned last year. Dark purple lipstick made her pale skin stand out in the fluorescent lights. But what really caught his attention were the black rivers of eyeliner that flowed down her cheeks.

"Oliver…" Her voice came out as a half sob as she stood there just inches out of his grasp.

He had to blink a few times to make sure this wasn't some kind of hallucination brought on by lack of sleep. Oliver wanted to reach out and touch her, but he held back as a torrent of emotions swirled inside his chest: relief, gratitude, confusion, then anger. Anger that she had simply walked away without even saying goodbye made his fists clench at his sides.

"Felicity, what are you doing here?" Oliver hissed. "You disappeared without a trace three months ago, why the hell are you at my doorstep at 3 AM and where have you-" He stopped mid-sentence as his eyes scanned her body and saw blood on the sleeve of her dark purple shirt. "Oh my God, your arm is bleeding!"

"Well, thank you, Captain Obvious," Felicity retorted as she glanced down at the gash, but her heart just wasn't in the insult. She looked tired, even more tired than he was, and haggard, weary in ways he had felt during those first days on the island.

"That looks bad," Oliver commented before grasping her uninjured arm and pulling her into the apartment. But Felicity resisted. She tried to tug her arm back, but he wasn't letting her go, not again. "Please," he whispered in that tone only reserved for her.

Felicity relented, allowing him to pull her into his home and close the door behind them. She surveyed the room for a moment, seemingly taking note of the stark features before following Oliver to the bathroom. Setting down the lid of the toilet, he motioned for her to take a seat as he rummaged through the vanity looking for his first aid kit.

A heavy silence fell over the room. Oliver desperately wanted to ask what had happened to Felicity these past three months, where she had gone, and most importantly, why she had left without saying a word to anyone. But he knew from her downtrodden gaze now wasn't the time. Her pain had become evident in the way her hand wrapped around her injured arm, holding it just above the gash to stem the bleeding. If that was all she wanted to think about, he wouldn't say a word. In time, she would tell him everything. Right now, her wounds needed tending.

"May I?" Oliver asked, motioning to her arm.

Felicity nodded.

Ever so gently, he took hold of her hand, bringing it to rest in her lap as he grabbed a pair of scissors from the kit and began cutting away the torn fabric. The wound was close to three inches long, but not deep enough to cut through the muscle. Parts of it had even begun to clot, stemming the flow of blood as he assessed it further.

"You'll need stitches," Oliver said. "I'm going to clean up the area first before I numb it." He knew Felicity's aversion to needles, but when he pulled out a syringe to fill it with lidocaine, she didn't even flinch. Instead, she aimlessly nodded, staring down at her limp hands in her lap. "Felicity?" he murmured.

Her head bobbed up. The glazed look he saw in her naturally fiery blue eyes alarmed him. Oliver stepped closer, kneeling down so they were level with each other. He reached out and pressed his hand to her cheek. That's when Felicity flinched. Her eyes squeezed shut as a pair of tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Felicity, talk to me," Oliver whispered, his thumb stroking over her cheek. She flinched again, pulling back slightly this time as if his touch caused her pain. He leaned closer, his sharp eyes scanning her features for anything he might not have noticed at first glance. The skin around her left eye looked puffier and was covered in a thick layer of makeup that had come off on his thumb. Beneath it, he noticed discoloration. Patches of red, black, and blue marred her skin.

Oliver stood up and turned to the sink. Grabbing a hand towel, he moistened it beneath the faucet before returning to Felicity. He knelt down once again, his hand swiping the wet cloth beneath her eye to reveal the bruise beneath it. "Oh, god," he breathed, voice shaking in horror.

Felicity's eyes flew open. Terror flashed in those solemn blue pools. Oliver knew she was about to bolt when she said, "I never should have come here. I should go." Before she could vault off the toilet seat, he cupped her face with his hands, holding her where she sat.

"Don't go," Oliver begged. "Please don't go." He slipped his hand beneath the palm of hers and wrapped his fingers around it while the other continued to cup her face. "You're safe here," he whispered.

After several tense moments, Felicity finally pursed her lips and nodded. "Okay," she murmured then squeezed his hand.

It was a small gesture, but it let Oliver know she trusted him. He got up again, this time grabbing cotton pads and soaking them in disinfectant before cleaning out the gash on her arm. Felicity flinched and looked away. Her hand instinctively reached out to grasp his forearm as a way of anchoring herself when the pain became too much. Once clean, he patted it dry with a new pad before administering the lidocaine.

"I still hate needles," Felicity grumbled under her breath. Her head turned away, eyes focusing instead on the mirror above the vanity. "I never thought I'd be in this position," she quietly added as she stared at her reflection.

Oliver gazed up at her, his head cocked slightly in confusion as he pulled the needle from her skin and capped it before throwing it into the trash can beside the toilet. He wanted to ask what she meant, but again decided against it. When Felicity was ready to talk, he'd listen to it all without fail, but only when she was ready. Pressing it would most likely force her to close up again. He picked up the threaded suture needle and began closing up the wound as she continued to stare at the face in the mirror.

"I wanted to keep you safe," Felicity said, "all of you, but with everything that Prometheus did to us, I knew I had to do something drastic to stop him. Leaving without saying goodbye was the only option." Oliver gazed up at her again, his hand stopping mid-stitch as he waited for her to continue.

The memories of the weeks that led up Felicity's disappearance came back in vivid detail: Curtis being attacked, Evelyn's betrayal, Malone's death at his hands, and Dig's capture. Oliver's heart began to ache. His focus returned to the task at hand as he placed another stitch around the wound to sew it closed. He hated thinking about those days and all the pain that came with them. They had been some of his darkest, ranking up there with his father's suicide and his mother's murder.

"I tried to talk to Evelyn, but she was beyond reason." Felicity's voice began to shake as she held back tears. "She was so angry at you, so disillusioned by who she thought you were and the real you. She was beyond talking to. The fact that she knew everything made me realize there was no other way to save you than to try and stop her and Prometheus myself."

"Felicity…" Oliver let her name slip from his lips without thinking. She shook her head and held up her hand.

"No, there was no other way," she said. "Oliver, he was going to destroy you the way Slade tried to. I wasn't going to let that happen. Not again. You've… We've been hurt like that too many times. I couldn't go through it again." Felicity paused to wipe away the tears that had begun to slip from her eyes. It smeared her mascara even more, deepening the dark circles and making her look even more tired than she already was. "I'm sorry. It was the only choice left to make."

Oliver sighed. He wanted to tell her they could have figured it out together like the used to, that there was another way, but after all the times he'd made decision without consulting her or the team, he stopped himself. Instead, he tied off the last stitch, placing the needle and thread on the vanity before turning back to her. His hand cupped her cheek again, thumb brushing away more tears as the fell from her eyes.

"I understand," Oliver whispered. He gave her a tired smile while still stroking her cheek as she stared back at him, those red-rimmed blue eyes widening in shock. "I know what you're going through. I've been there, too. Hell, you've chewed me out for it on several occasions."

"Does that mean I'm about to get a lecture from you?" Felicity sniffled, her body turning rigid, getting ready to bolt again.

"No," he answered. Oliver could feel her stiffen further as her head tilted to the side. The confusion he saw in her eyes made him smile. He took both her hands in his and added, "That would be pretty hypocritical of me, wouldn't it?" Felicity huffed out a laugh, relaxing once again. "No lecture, I promise. I just want you to know that if you need me, I'm right here. You've always been there for me, even after everything that happened between us. I just want to return the favor. Let me help you take down Prometheus."

She sighed deeply, her eyes fluttering shut as she contemplated her answer. "I can't," Felicity whispered. "It's too dangerous."

"Hey, isn't that my line?" Oliver asked, hoping it would lighten the mood and help change her mind. Hearing Felicity tell him something was too dangerous made him want to wrap her up in his arms and never let her go. The life he led wasn't meant for her, but now that she was experiencing it herself, he wanted nothing more than to pull her away.

An empty smile crossed her dark lips as she said, "I know you want to help, and I know you're still trying to get him yourself, but please, Oliver. I have to do this. I need to do this. For you, for Billy, for the team, for everyone Prometheus has ever hurt. I need to stop him."

"Please, Felicity," he begged, cupping her cheeks. "Please don't do this alone. You're not alone. You have the team, you have Dig and Lyla, and you have me. Please come back to us so we can stop him, once and for all."

She shook her head as tears streamed down her cheeks. "I can't Oliver," she wept. "I can't. I can't…"

Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled Felicity to his chest as she continued to cry. Her sobs echoed through the room, and when they reached his ears, Oliver felt as if each one sent a dagger through his heart. This wasn't his Felicity, his bright, cheery Girl Wednesday. No, this was a shell of the woman he loved. He held onto her, absorbing the pain and the grief to the best of his ability.

After several minutes, Felicity pulled away. "I have to go," she said, wiping the tears and snot from her face. She began untangling herself from his arms, but Oliver held on.

"At least stay the night and get some rest," he replied. He knew he couldn't get her to change her mind. Felicity was just as stubborn as he was, if not more. When she put her mind to something, she wouldn't stop until she got what she wanted. But Oliver knew that no matter how determined someone was, exhaustion would always prevail. By the looks of her tired eyes and wavering body, if he didn't force her to get some rest that night, the potential for disaster would go up exponentially.

Felicity paused for a moment, her eyes meeting his before she looked away. There was something in those deep blue pools he wanted to believe was hope. Maybe he had gotten through to her. Maybe she was reconsidering his offer. No matter what the case, Oliver vowed to stand by her side, his heart be damned. He understood her need for closer. Prometheus had torn her life apart, and if Oliver was a betting man, he'd bet that Felicity also wanted revenge for what happened to Billy.

"Okay." Her quiet voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Oliver stared up at her for a few moments before a smile touched his lips.

He considered that a small victory. Standing up, he said, "You can take my room. I'll sleep on the couch."

"Thank you," Felicity whispered. She, too, smiled back at him.

'Small victories,' Oliver reminded himself as he took her hand and led her to the bedroom. One small victory was all he could ask for at that moment. In the morning, he'd try to convince Felicity to stay again, if she was still in the apartment then.


End file.
